Disclaimer for those who don't already know me... I am normally not like this. I just need a place to vent. My apologies for the length.
To start off, I'm going to introduce myself... in case you don't know who I am.
I am Arletta. I am 18 years old and I am Miriam's little sister. That's about all you really need to know, I think. The rest will be filled in as I start my rambling.
I started college when I was 16. I didn't really want to start that early, but I did anyway because my mom was really insistent on my doing so. I'm graduating with my A.A. degree this semester... which ends in less than two months. I have applied to two different universities and I am waiting to hear back from them both still. I finished my applications for both schools in October.
As you may imagine, I am rather upset about having to wait so long, but at the same time I'm incredibly worried that I won't be accepted into either school and if I do get accepted into the school, I may not get into the program because it's a really tough and fast program. My GPA is that amazing (3.4-ish) and I don't exactly stand out. People keep assuring me that I'll get in, but it just irritates me, sometimes. Sure I may be smart... in comparison to some, but I'm not incredible. I have nothing that set's me apart from others. There is no reason for these schools to pick me over others.
I don't have any real back-up plan if I don't get into either school. I'm constantly thinking of possibilities and then quickly throwing them away. School is where I want to be.
I hate where I live. I have been in the same house all of my life. I feel trapped and I am growing more and more frustrated with having to stay here. I've never been so bitter about something in my life. This place has nothing left to offer me. The schools here don't even come close to offering my desired subject (Multimedia and animation, by the way). The people here are generally terrible. There are a few people that I have met here that are genuine and I love them so much, but they aren't planning on staying. One of my best friends just moved to Philly another friend is from Hawai'i and doesn't plan on staying here any longer than April. The guys are jerks and the girls are brats. So many of them are kids.
I'm not saying I'm not a kid, but seriously, I'm 18. I have a little bit of leeway. I'm told I don't act my age, anyway. People constantly mistake me for 23-24 ish. Sometimes this bugs me because I feel like I can't act like an 18 year-old anymore. I feel like I have to act older than my 18 year-old friends. I want to be ME again. I don't want to be the mellow, down-to-earth teenager anymore. I don't want to be the one people go to for advise. I hate it when they assume that I know how to solve their problems when I'm 6 years younger than them. I have so little experience compared to them. What am I supposed to do? Pretend I'm Doctor Phil? (not like he's any good, anyway...)
I constantly ask myself the reason why I'm still here. What was I supposed to learn from staying. Why didn't I go to the Art Institute of Sacramento? I could have gotten out of florida and gotten the training I needed for what I want to do with myself... oh, right. Money. Cost WAY too much to go there.
I was planning on flying out to Oregon to buy my sister's car this summer and then drive back from there to where ever I'll be going to school. I just wrote her an e-mail telling her that I don't think it would be smart to do so anymore. It was such a hard thing to do. I don't have the money to spend on a trip like that. I wanted to go so bad. It was my motivation for just grinning and bearing whatever I was given, but now that's gone. I just want out. I feel trapped.
I think that's about all that I have to rant about, so I'll leave it there...
I'm asking as an inexperienced 18 year-old for advice. If you have any, please share it.
Oh Arletta sorry for you woes. I went through something similar in my teenage years. I won't bore you with details here, if you want to here about it let me know and we can e-mail. But anyway. I ran across this program in my search for sanity AmeriCorps *NCCC. It was a 10 month commitment to get paid to do work a bunch of different places and on different projects. Also at graduation you walk away with $5000 in scholarship money. It was a great break from reality where I could act like an adult when I wanted but have some great teenage fun too. It was also really nice since it was my first time being away from home that there were people to look out for me when I got sick or injured but not trying to control my every move. Okay that's enough rambling on my end, again if you want to talk more we can. Here is a website to help you take a look, http://www.americorps.gov/about/programs/nccc.asp
ReplyDeleteAll my best.