These past couple of weeks have been like Hell for me. I feel like a bowling pin that has been knocked down one time too many. And now I have to decide where I want to go.
I got my latest rejection from a graduate program. I told myself when I was applying that it would be my last time applying. If I couldn't get in there, where they would even accept someone like me with a less than a perfect GPA, I wasn't going to apply again. I said that I would apply for culinary school and start planning for my own restaurant.
I am so scared about it all. Here I am, feeling like all of the answered prayers, dreams, and such that had led me to this point were wrong. Where is the dream that I had to become an archaeologist? Or Director of a Museum, which has been my dream for about 10 years now.
I feel like I have done everything that I was suppose to. But the one thing that I was so sure of that was suppose to happen hasn't. I feel like I am at the beach trying to build up a sand castle and a massive, unexpected wave has come and swept everything I have worked for away.
I cried for a day. I got the letter at work because the landlady of the place I lived when I applied, works where I do- that is how I even got the job I have now. It was about 6 in the morning and I knew as soon as I saw it what it would mean. I cried off all of most of my make up- and I had actually done a decent job that morning- going beyond the usual mascara only.
I cried for the entire day.
Then I had to pick up the pieces and find my way to a new path.
I have contacted the two schools I applied to within the past year and set up meetings to see what I can do to get in. I am still going to try to get that graduate degree, but now I am focusing/dreaming of owning my own little eatery. I am going to name it Kooks. I figure it fits me since I am partially insane. I have had ideas of what I want to do, what I want to serve there. I am going to start a journal for it.
The funny thing is that my family, my EDUCATION DRIVEN FAMILY are all behind me on this. I am completely flabbergasted. The same siblings that thought that archaeology was a bad idea are okay, if not enthusiastic, about me going this route. For a career path, I would have thought that running a museum would be considered more wise than opening a restaurant- which has terrible odds of failing within the first 5 years.
But, I shall see what the future has for me.
I have finally righted myself and am ready to dodge the next bowling ball that life throws at me.
