Detours and Bridges

I hate driving at night.
I hate driving on bridges.
And I hate trying to follow a detour in a strange town because I am completely certain that I am going to miss the sign and get lost and be stuck somewhere I don't want to be.
As anyone who lives in Southern California knows the highway system here can be sketchy at times. There are bridges on top of bridges on top of bridges to connect sometimes up to 4 highways in way too close of a proximity (the 405/105 interchange is the worst in my opinion, but that is besides the point).
Tonight I went out to celebrate a friend's 21st birthday (Happy Birthday Ivy!). As I was driving to the location chosen to host the celebration I had to change highways twice. That is 3 different highways I had to use to go somewhere that was less than 2o miles away. Insanity!
As I was driving I noticed that the highways I was going on had those bridges on top of bridges on top of bridges. I was worried about the first. The second one though when the realization hit that I would have to be on those bridges upon.... You get the point.
I went about my way, having fun at Dave and Busters (won a GIANT gummy bear- about the size of a softball.)
Around 10 I left to go home. As I was leaving I saw a sign saying that the on-ramp that I needed was closed and that I was going to have to go on a detour...
Uh oh.
Take a deep breath. Remember, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Deep breaths, you can do this.
Alright, turn right here. Turn left here, keep going... Was I suppose to turn there?
Eventually I figured out that the car in front of me was following the detour too. There is comfort in knowing that someone else is just as lost as I am.
Phew, I finally make onto the 15 freeway. Then comes the 60... Oh no, I have to go on the BRIDGE- and not just the lower one. No, it has to be the higher one.
Alright. Deep breath, you can do this.
Gripping the steering wheel as tightly as I can and still be able to navigate the curve that goes along with the height (they can't just make then straight, can they? No, they must have them curving. I hate bridge makers).
Phew. I got through that one. Now onto the next one... The 215. Oh crap. I think this one is higher.
Deep breath, you can do this. Oh no, I don't think I can do this. Ahhh!!
Phew. I am on the home stretch now.
I got home in one piece.... It was a close call though.

I Remember When...

Here is something for everyone. Chime in if you want!
When I was I kid, I learned about the USSR- not Russia.
I remember the Berlin Wall coming down.
When I was high school Pluto was still a Planet.
When I graduated from college Pluto was STILL a planet.
When I was a kid it was safe to walk home from school and helmets were something you knew about but didn't really wear.
I remember listening to The New Kids On The Block- when they were still new.
I used to use a VCR to record shows that I missed on TV.
The frist "record" I bought was a Cassette Tape.
When I was a kid I use to listen to records.
I remember being able to buy a candy bar for a quarter.
When I started driving gas was still under a dollar per gallon.

Sour Grapes... Or Blessing In Disguise

Funny little story...

There is this guy at church who I have been trying to get the courage up to talk to for way too long. Slowly but surely I have been working my way over to talk to him between classes and such. Last Thursday at an activity I invited him to my Mafia Night (which was a very fun night if I do say so myself). On Saturday I called to see if he was going to come but he was sick.
Then on Sunday I went to talk to him after services. He gave me a hug (myself not being a huggy type of person) in way of saying "hello" (I would guess). I was thinking "score!". While we were chatting I noticed that this girl I had seen him with earlier and had noticed him chatting with on previous occasions was staring at us.
It came time that I had to go so he gave me another hug (score times 2!). I stopped to talk to another friend and I noticed that the girl (who I shall dub petite brunette from here on out) was talking to the object of my interest.
Then, last night when I was at FHE (yet another church activity) petite brunette (who I have seen confirmed is 18) came in and sat on the same row as me and my roommate. Now, out of ALL the chairs and rows that this girl could have sat on, she chose mine... (I now am in the firm believe this was on purpose.)
Then comes in object of interest and sits down next to petite brunette...
I got up a couple of seconds later, grabbing my phone and went to the bathroom to begin texting a friend who knows all of this whole drama because not only does she work with me but she is my assistant manager and we share an office (with two windows that don't open, despite what she thinks they should do).
I calmed down long enough to be able to go back into the room with the guy who I had thought had more depth than to date someone like her (who I took into dislike a while ago, even though I don't know her- which causes problems in and of itself) and his new girlfriend (who giggled and talked through the entire Sacrament Service). I only made it through the last of the song and the prayer before I grabbed my bag, told my roommate that I had to go, and left.
I had this one guy follow behind me, much to my annoyance. (If I wanted to talk about it, I would. But normally if I am trying to escape, just let me.)
I didn't even get out of the parking lot before I was in tears. I spent last night and all of today with my friend talking about this (when we weren't doing work and having to talk about other things). I have come to the conclusion that this guy is not who I thought he was. If he is shallow enough to date a girl like that- who, in my opinion is about as shallow as she looks and giggles- then he isn't worth my time, effort, or tears.
I must say that I am mad about the whole thing. I am mad at him for hugging me on Sunday. I am mad at her for sitting on the same row when there were AT LEAST 40 other chairs and two other sections of chairs to sit in. And I am mad at myself for not only taking FOREVER to get up the courage to talk to this guy who isn't worth the time, but for being so hurt and mad in the first place.
Now, I must admit there is a part of me (that is dying oh so slowly) that is very vindictive at this moment. My friend has offered to go up to said guy while his girlfriend is about and give him a big hug and greet him the way the french and Italian do... Kisses on both cheeks...
I am giggling even as I write this at the image. (My friend is GORGEOUS by the way, so puts petite brunette in the shade).
So, I trying to figure out if I am just saying "sour grapes" or if this really is a blessing in disguise.
Personally, I going with blessing- sounds so much less petty and childish, wouldn't you agree?

Oh The Fun One Can Have

Out a sense of desperation, and much prompting from firends, I joined an online dating site. Now, there is nothing more likely to make you feel like an un-intentional stalker than an online dating site.
As I sit here, typing some snarky remarks about the absurdity of the very act that I am perpatrating, I am anxiously awaiting for a response to a note I sent this one cute dentist from Washington whose pictures that he has posted mostly have him in swim trunks and a neice at some lake... Sigh.
On this dating website there are "flirts". I must admit that I may have gotten a bit carried away when I saw a friend on that site. We aren't particularly good friends. If I see him on Facebook I will chat with him, if he has the time for me. But that is about it. I just sent him 3 flirts, only one of them un-intentional- I pushed the wrong button. Boy was it fun! I giggle to think of his reaction when he sees them.
However, as much fun as those flirts are, I am wishing there was more of a variety to them. Maybe some sarcasm, or things along the lines like "ew" (There are rejection "flirts" as well as the "winks"). I get a bit creeped out when guys who are over 40 are looking at my profile. (Not a chance buster)
But back to the stalking...
I feel like such a stalker as I click on the cute dentists page and stare at his cute smile (and he really is cute). Or I go to chat with someone who so obviously doesn't want to chat with me because he will join the chat only to immediately quit as soon as he figures out who exactly it is.
What is with our society and the encouragement of stalking? First we have online dating sites. Now we have FICTIONAL characters who stalk the object of their... well, obsession, and girls find that "romantic" instead of the creepy that they should. (Seriously America? Eward Cullen is a fictionaly character and can NEVER love you since he isn't REAL).
*huff*
But enough about that.
Now, I am going to go back and do a bit of socially approved stalking.

Backs, Memory Foam, and I Have Got To Go...

I woke up this morning with a stiff back. Now, normally this wouldn't be so bad, but I really had to go to the bathroom. So I managed to roll over and crawl to the half bath (basically my own sink and toliet, which has so many benefits). At the door I tried to stand up. First I tried to pull my legs up underneath me. That wasn't working. I tried to pull myself up by the door. That didn't work. Eventually I managed to pull myself up so that I was kneeling but upright instead of on my hands and knees. I then managed to get a leg up and finally managed to get all the way up. After I was finished with that room I made my slow hobbling way to the kitchen where I knew my purse was located. I dug out the Excedrin Back & Body that I had there and took two- which is the recommended, but I usually only take one since I don't want to take too much pain medication or asprin which either gives me nose bleeds or causes excessive bruising. I then hobbled my way back to my bed and managed to fall into it without hurting myself.
I have had back problems since I was 13 and thew out my back while doing the standing long jump. It is just something I deal with. But I can't be out with a bad back at the moment. I have work and bills to pay.
I had this brilliant plan to get a futon for a bed when I moved into my new place, not thinking that no matter how soft they say the pad is, it isn't going to be soft enough for my back issues. Well, that has come back to haunt me. So, when I have a bit more of the ready cash, I am going to buy myself a 4" foam mattress topper to go with my 1 and half inch one I already have but isn't doing much for me at the moment.
Wish me well.

Miriam invited me to blog on her site.

I was tempted to make her regret it by sharing some terribly embarrassing, yet amusing, story of her as a child; unfortunately, the only things I could remember were terrible things I did to her before swearing off pugilism. Well, there was that one time that I figured out she'd been using my toothbrush, but that story lacks entertainment value.

Thus, I'm left with no other option than writing a sincere ode to how I love my sister and am so happy that we have put our differences (and fisticuffs) in the past and have become fantastic friends.

Oh to be near my sister, Miriam, who I love and adore. If only California were not so far away....

See you in April, sis.

Saying Farewell

I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. I've seen him cry before but never like this, this was something completely new. A new form of sadness so encompassing that found myself starting to cry. I figured I'd cry today but I didn't think it would be from his sadness first, I thought I'd be the one to break and just lose it entirely. As I soaked in his sadness there was an odd strength to it. That strength came from knowing that this will pass separation is only temporary, which almost made you really comfortable crying. Making all the doubts about how you feel or should feel wash away. Then he hugged me.
Oh that hug could have moved mountains there was so much love in it. For a few seconds time stopped, and the world didn't matter. There was only us. When we let go I thought our hearts would break but amazingly enough we simply looked at each other and we had the strength to go on for a few more seconds and as the seconds passed they got easier.
There were still tears, hugs and loving kisses but peace reigned overall. A peace and safety that only comes from the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and our loving Heavenly Father. As horrible as those moments were I could only image the pain and suffering if we hadn't had help from above. Especially as he pulled the car out of the driveway and drove off into the rain.
I now sit here alone, sad, worried but at peace. Knowing that this, this is the really sucky part of an amazing adventure that I am privileged to be on.

Things That Come Back To Haunt Us

So, the "oh crap" moment was what I thought it was. Now I have to find the correct wording that I want to use to diffuse the situation.
Wish me well.

I Am Going To Be A Carney!

I have decided to become a carney. After spending a marvelous hour and a half spent at a itty-bitty parking lot fair with some friends (and a bit too much money- but completely worth it) I have decided to run off and join the circus- or fair. I think I can pull off the whole carney act.
Or maybe not.
But for the first time in what seems like FOREVER I had a GREAT night. I went on my very first ferris wheel ride. I must admit I might not ever go on one again. I was in constant fear of rocking the little bucket of seat I was in with a friend and causing both of us to tumble to our deaths. Then the guy running the thing just left us at the top.... There were a few curses from both me and my friend.
Then we went to the bumper cars. I will toot my own horn here and say that I am an excellent bumper car driver. I now know how to ram into someone and even get the person behind them while I am at it.
The rides were a bit expensive, and I had to pay for the games seperately. But I got an emergency bear bottle of shampoo that also doubles as a whistle... There is a joke in there, I just know it. I also ended up with 8 goldfish. Two of which already have names, with a couple of others rattling around in my head, just waiting for daylight to make sure I properly name them.
I am somehow going to smuggle them into my office on Monday...
Altogether a great night.
Next adventure- the circus.

Calling Good Evil and Evil Good

I had a friend who posted some of the lyrics to "The Phantom of the Opera" and I made a casual remark that the Phantom is sociopath with deliusions of grandeur. This spark along debate that somehow included Hitler and how he was a great leader. I took immediate offense to this. Hitler was NOT a great leader. He was charsamatic, definitely. But he used fear and propaganda to control the masses. I will also point out that he never gained more than a third of the votes before he shut down the whole democratic process.
I am tired of people excusing others because they want to see the "good" in someone, or something. But there are some things/peope that are just "evil".
Take Hitler. He may have been motivating and whatnot but his actions, his intent, was never good. I don't care that the atmosphere of the day was very anti-semitic. I do not care how you were raised, you are still responsible for your actions. Murder is wrong no matter how you look at it.
We cannot excuse people because they have had a bad life. That is NOT an excuse. I know plenty of people who have had the worse life expereinces, and yet, they are more than what the world would "excuse" them to be.
You are responsible for your choices. You must own up to what you have done. Just because society says that is alright does not make it so.

Oranges

I had a couple of bad experiences with oranges when Iwas about 10 years old and had sworn off them for about 15 years. Then, when I was a missionary I had a couple that were good, but never followed up on the expereince. Recently though I have been craving oranges. So, I was like: what the heck, I might as well.
And I must say I am now hooked. I have probably bought 5 pounds of oranges over the past week, trying not to get to many only to have them go had and gain a distrust of them forever more...
Today I took a friend to where her boyfriend lives and at the house he lives at there is an orange tree in the front yard. Now, I am not the most patient person, so when he took FOREVER to get up and to the door, I meandered my way over to the orange tree and doing a quick, over the shoulder look, I picked one. I must also say that I was half way through peeling the orange before the guy finally came out of the house.
It was a mightly delicous orange too. I am going to see if the guy who lives there (the one my friend's boyfriend rooms with) will be willing to trade a bag of oranges for a loaf of bread.
I mean, it was a REALLY good orange.

An "Oh crap" moment

Do you ever have those moments that something you did 10 YEARS ago comes back to bite you? Okay, maybe it wasn't that long, but is is more than 5.
I am hoping that this whole thing is just a moment of vanity on my part and that what I think is going on really isn't going on....
But if it is, there will another post to go with this one in a week or so.
Help!

I had this brilliant post composed in my head last night, as I worked the "afternoon" shift at work. Then I stayed up till 1 watching TV since my day is completely shot by my work schedule and I don't have time watch TV at any other time... Or do anything else but go to work, eat, and sleep. Now I have lost the brilliantly thought out post. Instead I feel like a little whinny girl who now gets to complain about work.
How did I become this person? The one who does nothing but work, sleep and eat (not always in that order)? I am at 50 hours already and I have atleast another 10 to go (and yes, it is Saturday today, but the work must get done).
When my company decided to expand and the manger of my department decided to work from home, I was made manager. I was so scared to tell the assistant manager that I got the position because I was afraid of what she would say or feel. Now I know she would have turned it down anyways. Self preservation- pure and simple.
And because we expanded and we don't have the computers to handle the people we need to complete the work that needs to be completed, we went to shifts. 6 to 2 and 2:30 to 10. My two assistant managers both wanted morning. And considering what they do, mornings are best for them. However, that left me with the night shift.
This wouldn't be a problem except that we have a 7o'clock meeting that I have to be at. And if I am going to be going that early, I might as well go in at 6 so I can take one of my assistant managers because she can't drive at the moment.
So, I don't get home till 10:30, stay up for a bit longer because I am not tired enough to sleep, but too drained to do anything else, then get up around 5:00 and hit the snooze button as much as I can until I HAVE to get up. Then I go to a meeting for a couple of hours, come home, take a nap then get up and really get ready to go back to work.
I didn't think I would be this burned out. But I am getting there. My only consolation in all of this is that my Office Manager has noticed the craziness that is my schedule and is trying to move the meeting time. And work will be slowing down, so I might be able to go to a more regular schedule.

Testing testing, one two, one two

I find myself wanting to chase things lately. Little dogs, my sister... I think that it has to do with my limited social interaction. I was beginning to feel bad about it, since it really didn't stop with just chasing, it was also that I wanted to hit people in the butt, or trip them, or really just get them to pay attention to me. I don't think that I got it all out when I was a kid. You know how they tell you the kid that acts up is the one that needs attention? I was a great kid, but Shoot! I need attention now! Poor Arletta, she's getting the brunt of it: I think I've chased her and hit her (not hard, now!) and in general been more annoying to her than anyone else in the last month or two.

If it's bad, then why is it so satisfying?

Pretty Good Is a Qualified Answer

For anyone who doesn't know me I'm sick a lot. And if you do know me I'm still sick a lot. Needless to say people are always checking up on me, not just normal "hey how ya doin" but "how are you feeling today" or "how are you dealing". Many years ago I decided on an honesty policy when people ask me questions like that. Mostly I answer "Pretty Good". That is my honest answer, sure maybe I could elaborate but I don't want to overload people with my problems unless they really want them. But that's a point for another ramble. Anyway..... back to pretty good...... So I give this practically all the time, and it really is an honest answer. If I'm out and about, or had enough energy to let you in my front door I'm pretty good. What gets me is the audacity of some people to say "just pretty good?" Oh come on folks!!!! Accept the fact that my life has more challenges than yours and the fact that when I get out I'm only 'pretty good'. Be thankful that I'm not miserable, horrible, bad, or even awful. Also remember that pretty good is better than just plain good. So no I'm not to your level of everyday is described as terrific or awesome those words I reserve for extremely special days so I, and those close to me, know that it really was a stand out day.

So if someone says they are pretty good take that at face value. Let them enjoy whatever level of good their day is. And if you have to ask a secondary question ask, "What makes it pretty good?" but only if you really want to listen and care about what will come out of that person's mouth next. And if you are a person describing your day, never lie. If your day really is awesome, bad, rockin, or even pretty good then say so people want the truth.

Until the next ramble :)

Things We Do For Vanity

My feet hurt. I would like to say it was for something noble- like walking 5 miles to save gas. But no. I wore heels today at work, forgetting that I was going to be training 15 new peope today. Then again, I didn't think I was going to have to stand. I was suppose to be sitting down and only instructing two or three people. But it didn't happen that way; my life is ruled by Murphy's Law (by the way, I still haven't figured out who Murphy is and why he gets a law).
A while back I decided (after a long office meeting that included a discussion about the office dress code) that I should look more professional. And I do. Not only do I look more professional, I like to think I look cuter too. I have discovered that I like to wear skirts (they hide my "extra" weight rather nicely). I like to wear heels. They make me feel sophisticted. And for someone who is mentally at least 3 to 4 years younger than I am, it is important that I feel like I am accomplishing something in my life that makes me feel more my age.
Speaking of accomplishments and age, my 1o year high school reunion is coming up- or it would be if anyone is organzing it. And I don't want to go to it and say "Well, I moved to California. That is about as big of an accomplishment as I could acheive in the past 10 years". No. I want to say something MUCH more impressive. Something along the lines of "Well, I moved to California, was on a TV show and you could actually SEE me. I got into grad school in LA and will start this fall. I am a manager at the place I work and don't I look cute?" The cute part being the most important.
But my feet still hurt.

excited over little things

I get excited pretty easily.
Tomorrow is the first day of classes for the next semester and I'm pretty excited about the silliest things about it. It's my last semester at the community college, so I'm pretty stoked about that. I am taking a digital photography class and am so excited about it. I am also taking another semester of German, which is an amazing language that I would love to become fluent in.
Today my mom and I went shopping for warmer clothes, because living in Florida tends to leave one with inadequate clothing. I went and was excited about the silliest things like the hat and shirt combinations. I would have gotten them all if I had the money. Instead I just got the one of sonic the hedgehog. And argyle. I love argyle. I don't know why, but I do. Plaid comes second.
One may read this and think that I'm easily amused and might condescend my excitement, but I have a saying that goes, "I'd rather be easily amused rather than never amused at all." just think about it. One could be easily excited or constantly bored. take your pick.

Facebook Stalking

So, there was this e-mail going around about things for 25 to 35 (ish) people and it talked about Facebook Stalking. Now, most of the people I know have made it so that you can't access anything interesting about themselves. However, in my first ever attempt to "stalk" someone on Facebook I found that his profile was open.
It was like Christmas!
Oh the fun I had for a couple of hours going through photos (and I must say he is cute). At the end of a couple of days of excitement, I gave it up. I mean, really, how long can one look at the SAME pictures?
So, please, update your photos regularly. You never know who is sighing from afar over how cute you are, because you left your profile (and photos) open to the public.

In The Begining

This is meant to be a place that all who want to can post ramblings- to let out pent up feelings, say what they want (keep it clean) and to just express to the world what one wants the world to take note of.