As I sit here I am contemplating my future and my past.
I have been in California for 3 years. March 2008 I packed up my car and moved to California with no job, no real plan, only a dream and a thought of how it would be. Now I am comtemplating doing the same, only in reverse. I had the inspiritation to move to Los Angeles 5 months ago. And since I like to think I have learned from my mistakes, I have been looking for a job before I moved.
But it has been 5 MONTHS and nothing. Well, a couple of interviews but those aren't jobs.
So, I have set a dead line for myself. April 1st. If I don't get a new job or get into grad school (which is only contingent on me getting a job because I HATE the one I have now- but that will be discussed later) I am going to pack up my car (again) and drive across the country (again). This time, though, I think I will take the I-10 all the way across. That way I can say I have driven the entire interstate- from start to finish. There is only about 300 miles of it I haven't driven and I can add that to my wall of accomplishments.
My heart aches at the thought of leaving my dream behind, of not going to grad school, for not doing the thousands of things I wanted to do while I was here.
And what is with the promptings and dreams, and visions I have had that have lead me to this desert state anyways? What am I to think?
Not that I regret moving here. It was good for me. It was what I needed back then. I needed to prove that I could do it- that I could be on my own. Sometimes you have to jump off a cliff to know that you can fly. And while I have more drifted like a piece of fluff than flown, at least I did it. I proved to myself that I can live dreams. That I can do what I want to despite what everyone else thinks.
So, here is the April 1st. May everything turn out how it is suppose to.
