I Feel Purple

I like color. I like color in my hair. I have been dying my hair crazy colors and styles since I was out of college. Now, this is usually something one does while in college. But no, I waited till I was done. The first time I just bleached the tips and dyed them a rainbow of assorted colors. Then I cut that off. The next summer I bleached strips throughout my hair and dyed them blue. That lasted until I had back surgery in preparation to go on a mission.
The normal hair lasted about 2 years. Then I bleached the tips again and dyed them pink. Well, more of a fuchsia, but in the same color family.
I cut those tips off when I had an interview at a funeral home. Not that I got the job.
Then recently I did the same with blue. I really like the blue but it faded rather quickly. I cut those ends off too.
Then, recently I went through a depressive phase. I began to "feel purple" as I like to call it. I felt like dying my hair purple. And not just the tips this time. No. I wanted to go all out and do streaks. At least one in front and one in back. It took about a month before I had the extra cash to do it but as soon as I did I went out and bought a gorgeous shade of purple and some bleach.
Now, as I have mentioned before, I should not do anything close to my bed time since bad things tend to happen. Or crazy, uncensored things tend to happen. But for some reason I always decide to dye my hair after nine. Oh! And the mess it can make! I usually spend more time trying to clean the sink out than I do actually spend dying my hair.
But back to my hair.
It is gorgeous. It has bright purple streaks through it that kind of blend in with my natural color so it isn't so prominent. Tons of fun.
And one of the reasons I was trying to dye it was because of this massive YSA conference that was suppose to happen. That I hated and still want my money back. But that is besides the point. I managed to do my hair about a week before it went down. I consider it a battle flag. I might as well let people (and when I say people I really mean guys) know up front that I am not a normal Mormon girl.
And, so back to feeling purple. I am still feeling purple. I forget that I have dyed my hair most of the time. But those times I do remember I don't regret it. I feel purple. When I no longer feel this way I will change my hair. Until then I will rock the curly purple hair.

Really?

(Originally written 7/10 but I felt like it needs to be posted. Even though it is unfinished. it still makes me laugh)
I was sitting in church in my usual pew, by myself, as usual, when, after sacrament, in comes said boy from previous posts (who is now no longer dating petite brunette, but she is sitting across and one pew in front of me) and sits down on my pew...

Well, I have to say that sort of made my day. And not in the way that most would think it would. Mostly I am laughing to myself over the whole thing, even as I am asking certian basic questions. Like: there was a pew that was empty right in front of me, why didn't you sit THERE? And: Really? You just had to sit there? You couldn't have sit somewhere else, where your ex-girlfriend couldn't have seen you with me? I mean, really?

So, then entire time, I am just sitting here, grinning to myself that he would even sit there, after all these weeks of me NOT talking to him unless I had to (I haven't made an effort to talk to the guy in MONTHS and have gone out of my way NOT to talk to him).

I did talk to him a bit before some of his friends came up to chat. Then I turned to talk to the really cute guy in front of me who I look on as more of a little brother than anything else- since he was one of my little brother's mission companions. But, he is cute and nice, so I chat when ever I have a chance.

Summer Lovin' had me... Nothing.

Let me see how fast I can write this... My computer fan STILL isn't working so I can only type with my laptop actually on my lap for short periods of time. I think if I actually could type in some sort of controlled manner things would be a whole lot better... But that is what the backspace key is for right?
Anyways.
What I meant to write about is this summer. Is it gone already? I had so many plans. None of which happened. I think I should start out with how the school year ended. With me not getting the financial aide I thought I would, and what I did get didn't come in until AFTER school ended.
Sigh. I won't go into that since I am still frustrated by it and am getting frustrated all over again by the fall's attempt to get a loan.
Back to summer and what I didn't do. And what I did do. And how I can't seem to remember most of it.
What I do remember is somehow agreeing to being someone's make out buddy then him cutting me off after only 1 and 1/2 (I am not counting the 2nd time I kissed him as a full make out session. Despite what he may say. It lasted less than a minute and SO doesn't count) times. We still hung out but he wouldn't kiss me. Which threw me into a dizzying bout of self doubt and wonderings of WHY?!
It took him about 2 months to explain that. I am finally okay with it, but even that took a week of reviewing everything to make it all right.
At the moment I am still mad at him. He offered something I haven't had in YEARS- a snuggle buddy. Someone who would hold me and make me feel... I am not sure what I felt only that I miss it and mad at him for making me feel it in the first place. It had been 7 years since I have had a boyfriend or kissed someone. I don't date. Not because I don't want to.... Well, to tell the whole truth- dating scares me- but that is for another post that will never get written.
So that happened. He offered, I said yes... In a text while I was in bed trying to go to sleep. I have since come to the conclusion that I should NOT text, post on Facebook or talk to anyone after 10pm. Nothing good ever comes of it. Then it was over.
What else have I done?
I made a lot of food.
I am in culinary school. I love to cook. But I won't cook for just myself. So, I offer to cook for others. I set up some dinners for some friends. One of which I kinda like and I kinda asked out... That will be explained later.
Back to food. I love food. I love to eat. And I love to make new recipes. I had a waffle party on Friday the 13th in July. Then I started dinners with friends after that. It was so much fun! I made stuffed chicken and lasagna, and enchiladas. And got to know a certain guy better. But since I always text him and his roommate (who is flaming gay) about doing things I guess he didn't get the hint about having a picnic just a duex.
I think he might like me... but I am not sure and he hasn't made a move at all. Not really. This is starting to make me wonder if we are just circling around the issue but neither one of us is willing to make the first move. Which is just sad. I mean really- it is the guy who is suppose to ask the girl out. Especially when the girl is trying to make it obvious that she likes him.
Boys are stupid.
What else did I do this summer?
I got bitten twice on my left eye lid by a mosquito. In front of the guy I was interested in and half my ward. It looked really funny especially since I also have a bump just below my left eye from where I ran into a door. I am not sure HOW that happened but it did. And it was the skinny part of the door. I am REALLY not sure how it happened. I would like to claim I was under the influence of something... sleep... legal pain medication... too much cake... Who knows.
And I think that was it. Besides work. I worked a decent amount this summer now that I can think of it. Not tons, but enough for me to pay rent. Which is really nice. I worked both stores and have come to the conclusion that I do not like corporate America. And will run my future restaurant accordingly.
Oh yeah, and my best friend from high school and college eloped. Yep. She ran off with the love of her life. And that makes me the last of my friends I grew up with or went on a mission with who is not married or pregnant. Or both. And I will age out of the Single's Ward in 7 months. But I won't go into that because if I do this post will exceed the word count I am sure. And I am trying to pretend I am not bitter about the whole situation. Thank you certain un-named parties who reminded me just what I was missing. Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble.....

Dream Cuddling

I love to sleep because I get to dream.
Not that I sleep through a night. But that is for another entry. And the fact that the fan on my computer isn't working and I am using a fan I bought for my room to cool down my computer means that I have to type this leaning forward and down doesn't have any pertinence to this entry either. I just want anyone who does read this to understand any mistypes or incomprehensible ramblings (more so than normal) isn't my fault.
Alright. Back to dreaming.
All who know me (and you should know me if you are reading this even though it has been over a year since I have posted on this blog) know that I am 30 and not married. It is an all thought consuming state of being for me at the moment. I am on a dating site that I am rapidly thinking is more than useless. The last guy who messaged me was 22 years older(!!!!!) than me. That makes him 6 years younger than my mom. Yeah. I am still reeling about this. The guys who I am interested in aren't interested in me. How is this better than dating in real life? Especially since the guy I am interested in in my ward isn't interested in me.
I am seeing NO difference at all. Except I have to pay to get rejected online.
But back to dreams.
I took a nap today (something I REALLY needed since my classes begin at 7 am) and had a dream. I am not sure how it started- that detail already having escaped me. But I was with my friend Scott, who then turned into someone else, someone who I was more romantically involved with than him. What is sticking with me the most is the feel of his arms around me. Throughout the dream any time we would be walking (which seemed like a lot of the time now that I think about) his arm is around me. I really liked it. But now that I am awake I miss it. I miss being held.
Normally I don't want to be touched. But cuddling is one of the things I miss most about not dating. I haven't cuddled with any one is a very long time.
I feel like I am missing something I wasn't earlier today because of that dream. It felt so real but it wasn't.
I am not sure how to finish this other than to apologize to anyone who has had to listen to me rant about this lately. But I really needed to get this out.